Facing Up to Reality
by Erithil
Summary: Companion piece to “Learning to Cope” and “Because what we have is now”. This story explores Sanji’s death from Chopper’s and Usopp’s point of view.


Thanks for the lovely reviews everyone! Although I'm sorry for seeming to have made everyone cry…(wince) sorry…

Hydra-Star,good comment about the capitalization of the title. I'm always unsure about that, hope this time it's alright. And by writing Nami's POV, I guess I'm committed to write the other POVs as well, although it's getting boring writing about the same sad topic over and over again. Heehee…in any case, I'm sure everyone's tired of reading about it. Anyway, this one is about Chopper and Usopp. I'll probably do one last one about Robin too, I'm not sure yet. But thanks for leaving such an encouraging review.  
Hence, this piece is dedicated to you…

Facing Up to Reality

Disclaimer: One Piece and all characters mentioned are created by Eiichiro Oda. The meaningless, depressing ramble masquerading poorly as plot is, unfortunately, by me.

He caught himself watching her again. Lately, that's all he had been doing, watching her. And waiting, always waiting.

Whenever Nami came on deck, he found his eyes drawn to her. Sometimes he even chose a strategic spot and pretended to work on his experiments just so he could watch her. He didn't know why he did that…well, maybe he did. But he didn't like what admitting that meant.

The worst thing a liar could do was to lie to himself.

Nami strolled towards the prow to talk to Luffy, and Usopp forced his gaze away from her with effort. He looked down at the deck, glaring at the wood grain, and clenched his fists. He hated this meaningless watching, this endless wait, waiting for her to say what he wanted to hear. What he needed to hear.

To say what she had said, the last time he thought Sanji was dead.

That had been back in Skypiea, when Ener boarded their ship without warning. He could still remember the feel of his crewmate's motionless body in his arms, the skin ashen beneath charred blackness from the electric shock. No breath on his lips and no heartbeat in his chest. The awful feeling of fear, loss and desolation condensed into a single moment as he took in Sanji's lifeless visage still haunted him sometimes.

But Nami had said, 'Wait a minute, Usopp. That's his right side! The heart is on the left!'

And as if her words were magic, Sanji had came back to life with a weak cough, his heart beating faintly but surely when he had felt for it.

So now he watched her, waiting for her to say something, anything, to bring Sanji back to them. Perhaps she would tell him that it wasn't Sanji they had set adrift on the raft, it was just his twin or an imposter whom they've picked up by mistake. The real Sanji had been left behind in the last town they visited. Or maybe the cook had gone ahead to the next port and was there now, waiting for them.

Usopp sighed, fiddling listlessly with the glass tubes and bottles set out in front of him. It had been hard, painful even, watching his friend waste away. It brought to mind sad memories of his mother, of how she had lain in bed, growing more ill every day until she died. It even reminded him of Kaya, sickly pale when he first introduced himself, except that she had giggled girlishly when he told her his stories and got better. Sanji had just frowned skeptically, though sometimes he would laugh in a grudging sort of way to humor him. But laughter had faded to tired smiles and finally, that too was gone.

He rubbed his nose as he heaved another sigh. Of course he knew Sanji was dead, his heart just had some difficulty accepting it. Almost unconsciously, his gaze wandered over to fix on Nami again.

He had been a liar all his life, but just this once, he wished someone would lie to him.

* * *

Usopp swept his eyes over the wide expanse of ocean. The night was peaceful, the sea calm. He shivered a bit as the wind blew his way and yawned. He couldn't wait to finish with his watch and go below deck to sleep. Without Sanji, everyone had to do more to make up for the share of their missing crewmate.

A sudden movement below caught his eye, a flicker of shadow slipping stealthily into the kitchen. He strained to see, fumbling for his goggles, but the moon was behind the clouds. In any case, the ghostly figure was gone, leaving an eerily deserted deck.

Who could be up so late? The sharpshooter thought as he climbed down to investigate. It was too late in the night for even Luffy to be stealing food. His imagination kicked into hyperdrive and he nearly fell off the mast.

An intruder! How had he boarded the ship without notice, he couldn't imagine. But the way he was skulking around meant he must be up to no good. And were there more of them? The ship could be swarming with skilled assassins creeping about in the dark to murder them in their sleep…

His knees were quaking when he finally stepped onto the deck, every muscle in his body knotted with tension. _Get help!_ That thought propelled him to take one step towards the men's cabin but immediately froze in place. Luffy slept like the dead and almost impossible to wake. And Zoro had the watch before his, which meant he had only just settled down to sleep. Which meant Zoro would be very angry to be disturbed. Angry Zoro equaled scary Zoro. Usopp gulped. Perhaps it would be safer for him to deal with this intruder himself.

Gingerly, he turned his head towards the galley, trying to will his immobilized legs to follow suit. After what seemed like an eternity, he inched his way to the kitchen door and stood pressed up against the adjacent wall shaking, ready to bolt. Through the porthole, the kitchen was dark and he could barely make out the outlines of the furniture. Plenty of shadows for the intruder to lurk in. Usopp swallowed hard past the dryness in his throat. You can do this, he tried to convince himself, adjusting his grip on his slingshot which was already slick with sweat.

Taking a deep breath, and before he lost his nerve completely, he burst through the door.

"Sur…surrender now! Cap…Cap…Captain Usopp and his fifty…uh…uh…I mean eighty, yeah, _eighty_ thousand men have you surrounded!" He struck a heroic pose, sighting along his slingshot as he swept the dark kitchen wildly with his weapon, trying to still his quivering legs.

A small frightened yelp came from a dark corner.

Usopp spun towards the sound, his eyes falling onto the small shape tucked between the refrigerator and the wall. "Chopper?"

The little reindeer was hatless, huddled on the floor, staring up at him with wide terrified eyes. "Usopp! Help…." He wailed. "I'm surrounded!"

He had to hide his smile. "No, you're not." He lowered his weapon, the surprise at finding Chopper quickly drained away his fear. "Umm…I've sent them all away."

"Really?" Chopper's eyes were still large and round, but this time in awe. "All eighty thousand? You're wonderful, Usopp!"

He puffed up at that. "But of course!" Striding over, he lit the ceiling lamp and returned to sit down beside the tiny doctor on the floor. "So what are you doing in here?" In the weak yellowish glow of the lamp, he could now see that Chopper's brown eyes held the soft sheen of tears, trailing twin streaks of wet fur down either sides of his muzzle.

He had been crying.

"Oi, oi." Usopp said quietly, concerned. "What happened?"

Chopper blinked at him for a moment then dropped his gaze, and as if fright had temporarily distracted him from his distress but now reminded anew, his eyes welled up. "Nightmare." He whispered tremulously, burying his face into the blanket clutched between his tiny hooves. At least that's what Usopp thought the piece of fabric was until he took a closer look.

It was Sanji's pink apron.

His heart constricted, understanding. Chopper often had nightmares, perhaps unused to the excitement and dangers they face on their voyages. The little reindeer would wake up screaming, often disturbing them as well. It was annoying but sharing a cabin meant getting used to one another's habits. He himself would usually just mumble a lazy 'It's not so bad. Go to sleep.' Zoro would growl in the if-you-do-that-again-you'll-find-your-nightmare-is-real way, which scared Chopper even more. And Luffy wouldn't even stir, still snoring with drool dripping out from the corner of his mouth.

But Sanji would lay there for a while, draw a deep breath then rouse himself to take Chopper out of the cabin. Usopp didn't know what they did outside. Sometimes, he would hear Sanji strolling with their youngest crewmate on the deck along the length of the ship. Other times, he heard them go into the kitchen where he would warm up some milk or leftover soup for him. Whatever they did, Chopper would come back calm and comforted. He would hear him thank the cook quietly and then they would all settle down to sleep.

Usopp sighed as he watched him. Now, who could Chopper turn to with his nightmares?

Chopper's eyes were closed and there was a faint smile on his face as he rubbed his furry cheek against the soft pink fabric, nuzzling it, his blue nose twitching ever so slightly. Then opening his eyes to find the sharpshooter studying him, he smiled shyly. "Smells like him." He offered in a way of explanation.

For a reindeer, who a major part of understanding the world came through his nose, it must comfort him a lot. "It does huh." Usopp smiled, putting an arm around the petite shoulders, trying to avoid the jutting antlers, and drew him close.

He snuggled against his side, still clutching the apron between them. They sat in silence for a moment before Chopper spoke again, hesitantly, his voice young and sad. "Usopp? Do you think Sanji is mad with me?"

The question startled him. "Of course not!" He frowned. "Didn't he tell you already?" He knew Sanji had been worried that his death might affect Chopper badly with guilt. The cook had taken special effort to speak at length to their smallest crewmate, making it very clear to their doctor that none of this was his fault and that under no circumstances was he to blame himself.

"But…"

"But nothing." He declared adamantly. "The ocean is so wide, so unpredictable; merciless with dangers at every turn." He shook a finger severely at Chopper, trying to make him understand. "Sanji knew the dangers well when he decided to come along. He was willing to accept the risks and if he died…well…well…it's just plain bad luck! No one is to be blamed. Least of all you, understand?"

Chopper considered his words, then nodded slowly. But he still seemed troubled. "Then do you think Zoro is mad with me?"

"What?" He spluttered. If that swordsman had dared to say anything…

Chopper fiddled listlessly with the apron, crumpling and smoothing out the creases repeatedly, his eyes downcast. "Well, I told him I was sorry about Sanji. Sorry I couldn't save him…" He said slowly.

"And?"

His chin wobbled as he bit his lip. "And…and Zoro just growled and said, 'Shit happens'."

Usopp exhaled with a laugh, waving a hand dismissively. "That's just Zoro's way of saying what _I_ said."

"Really?" The soft brown eyes sparkled with hope.

"Would I lie to you?" He grinned down at his friend.

Chopper shook his head earnestly. But after a moment, his face fell again. "I really miss him…"

_Don't we all…_He was nodding despondently in agreement even before he realized it.

But he caught himself and smiled, giving Chopper a little shake. "Hey, don't worry. Sanji is in this real great place." An elaborate story was already forming in his mind. He cleared his throat. "It's really far away, but there, the ocean is sparkling blue and so clear you can see the fine white sand on the seabed for miles around."

"And all sorts of animals live in that sea, the coolest and weirdest fishes in the world, some which even _I_, the _great_ Captain Usopp, haven't seen before. And mind you, I've seen a lot of things on my adventures." His enthusiasm grew as he gained momentum and went full swing into the tale, gesturing with his hands about expressively. "They got prawns _this_ big and eels _this_ long. So many different ingredients he can cook to his heart's content!"

"Sounds like the All Blue Sanji once told me." Chopper looked up at him doubtfully.

"Ah…" Usopp fumbled with the lie. "It's…it's much better! There's an island and the entire island only has girls, very pretty girls. And there's…uh…uh…a cloth shortage! Yes, a cloth shortage on the island. So in order to have enough to go around, everyone wears very little."

"Really?" Chopper's jaw dropped, a faint blush bloomed across his muzzle. "Sanji must be very happy there."

Encouraged, Usopp swelled up happily. "Of course he is! And there's more! They have cigarette trees planted along the streets and they're in fruit all year round. So he will always have a cigarette, anytime he wants."

"Wow!" Chopper beamed. "They've got everything there!"

"They sure do." He grinned.

They sat smiling in silence for a bit, watching the swaying yellow lamp cast dancing shadows across the kitchen; imagining, seeing Sanji in their minds. His eyes alight with joy, cooking and flirting with the girls with equal gusto, perfectly content in paradise. Somehow, this way, it was almost as if he was still alive and among them.

Usopp was surprised at how good that feeling was, even if he knew deep down that this was another one of his fantastical tales.

"So," He said finally. "You ready to go back to bed?"

Chopper nodded and stood, dusting off the seat of his pants. "Do you think-" His hoof locked around the apron and he paused, looking at it. "Do you think it's alright for me to keep this?" He glanced up and added quickly, "Just for a while."

"Sure. As long as you want."

He smiled, folded Sanji's apron neatly and clasped it tightly to his chest. Then, he allowed Usopp to walk him to the cabin door.

Usopp headed off to resume his post in the crow's nest when the reindeer called out to him. "Usopp?"

He turned. Chopper was standing by the door, still clutching the precious memento. He raised his eyes to meet his, and a tiny bashful smile curved his lips as he bobbed his head once quickly with a nod. "Thank you."

It was the same quiet voice he used to hear him thank Sanji with after the nightmares, but with a strangely subdued tone. It was then he realized that Chopper had lost someone before. He knew there was no paradise island people go to after they die, not a physical place on this world anyway. At least this once, his usually avid listener and loyal supporter knew all along he was lying. But the small smile and gentle appreciation in his voice told him he had enjoyed listening to him anyway.

Something warm and comforting curled around his heart, as he watched Chopper tottered on his short legs down the steps into the darkness of the cabin below, the pink apron still nestled against his chest.

A liar should not lie to himself. But perhaps, by lying to others and losing himself in the telling of the tale, by getting a brief reprieve from truth, he could return more comfortable with reality.

He smiled. "No, thank _you_, Chopper."


End file.
